To my story……..I have instigated divorce proceedings and since the day my wife first found out I was leaving her she started with all this "I'm gonna call the Police....you know they will believe whatever I tell them because you're a n***er!" It's my fault for marrying an Asian woman......not specifically because she's Asian, but because she's not black like me and was always going to pull the race card if things turned sour for her. She doesn't understand that we black men have enough cr*p in our lives without our partners bringing-up our race in such a context as well. I doubt a black woman would ever try this on her black husband.

This is where I hang my head in shame. The day before our wedding (Valentines Day 1997) she turned violent because I had been out shopping with the Best Man (buying wedding gifts and clothes), not knowing that she was unhappy with the two wedding dresses I had bought her (she chose them so what was the problem?). When I got home she immediately became aggressive accusing me of "abandoning" her in her "moment of need". All the time I had no idea what was going on in her crazy little head.

Then she took out some kitchen knives and firstly attacked one of the wedding dresses, then when I said I didn't want to marry her anymore (this was the first time she had been violent in the two years I had known her) she went for me. I easily restrained her despite her leaving deep knife marks in the wall behind me. For me that was that, I wanted out a.s.a.p. So next she pulled the "I'm going to kill myself if you don't marry me stunt". Sadly I was a lot younger and fell for it. Whatever I felt about her I didn't want her to kill herself. So when she went for another knife and some boxes of pain killers and seemed to be about to commit suicide, the only way I could see to prevent a tragedy was to agree to marry her.

The sad thing is that was the day I fell out of love with her. Moments like that define a relationship, and although I still had feelings for her, it was no longer the deep love we had the day before she launched this offensive.

So we got married on 15th February 1997 and subsequently we had two children. However throughout the marriage (and particularly throughout her pregnancy) she violently attacked me. Sometimes she scratched, kicked or hit me with a variety of objects, her fists or her feet. One of them (a metal clothes rack thrown at me from an upper floor) permanently scarred my head.

I believe women (particularly non-black women) behave violently towards their black partners because (generally speaking) we're a lot bigger than them. I'm certainly taller (at 6'2'') and a lot more muscular than most non-black men (having played rugby, football and participated in martial arts during my youth). One slap or punch from me and god only knows what damage I'd have done to her. Hence I never risked it. Whenever she "kicked-off" (and on one of these occasions her sister joined in with an attack on me when I had just arrived home from work) I usually walked away and just walked the streets until I thought she had calmed down. On the occasion (July 1999) when her sister joined in on an attack (this was for asking her sister to contribute to the excessive phone bill she had run up and to stop letting her ex-boyfriend sleep with her in our living room of our two bedroom apartment as she had her own room and was not paying any rent) I was particularly upset because my wife was holding my daughter (who was not yet one year old) in one hand and punching me with the other, knowing that I couldn't even risk restraining her because I might hurt my daughter. To me that was just too sick for words, so I ran out of the house and walked the streets of London all night just trying to work out what to do.

On my return the next day I arranged for a locksmith to come to our apartment (I owned the property long before I met her) and change the locks. I was happy for my wife to stay until we could sort out an amicable separation, but there was no way I was going to put up with violence from her sister, who was no more than a temporary guest from abroad.

So eventually we separated (not so amicably because I had to go to court to get access to my daughter who she absconded with, without any warning). We continued to have contact as a result of this access and through emotional blackmail (perhaps, I don't know?) we started having a physical relationship again. Eventually she got pregnant again and (feeling guilty) I got back together with her nearly exactly a year after we had separated (July 2000). I even bought us a house which we moved into, renting out my apartment to partly fund the additional cost.

But the violence continued. She punched and kicked, spat and threw. On one occasion when I was trying to flee one of her attacks she bit into what was my favourite t-shirt (Teddy Riley & Guy) tearing it so brutally with her teeth that she took a chunk of my flesh off my chest with the material. Despite that, on selling my apartment in August 2001, I paid off all the debts she had run up on her credit cards (£10k approx).

I was almost scared to talk to her about anything because if she disagreed she couldn't just discuss the subject. It always had to become personal and violent with her. In August 2003 her mother (who lives on the other side of the World) had to have a bypass operation. These days it's routine surgery, but she wanted to go and the flight was going to cost about £3000. I was the only one working and as she wanted to take the kids (by this time we had two) she needed me to go as well because she didn't want anyone else to look after the kids (her family isn't child friendly and my son had recently suffered a life threatening illness), she forced me to come. Initially I objected because I didn't know how long I would be over there and didn't want to lose my job. But that wasn't enough for her so she became violent and abusive. At this point I should have left with the kids, but took into account her fear for her mother's health and literally gave-up everything to go abroad for nearly three months. On returning to the UK I had no job and lots of debts.

The only solution was to re-mortgage our house, rent it out and buy a smaller house in a less attractive part of the country. So we moved to Liverpool, to a house that needed repair before it would ever be suitable for habitation. At the same time I got myself a full-time job and as she was at home she arranged organised most of the building work. Unfortunately she selected a cowboy builder recommended by my sister (this is partly my fault - I never do business with family, it always ends in disaster). So we have this brand new bathroom suite and costing £1000s.

Worried about the safety of the property whilst the work is on-going, in August 2004 my wife (rightly) went to stay in the house in London for the period of the building work (which is supposed to take two to three days). On the first day the builder collapsed the bathroom into the recently renovated kitchen causing £1000s of damage. The next day the builder smashed the toilet bowl. At this stage he had also cut-off the water supply and there was no access to the bathroom/toilet. Having committed all of my finances to getting the building work done I had no money to stay in a hotel and was unable to go to work because I couldn't wash (also my clothes had been ruined by the dust from the ceiling and floor the builer had collapsed). But the worse part was perhaps the fact that my wife hadn't obtained a written quote so the builder kept on adding charges to the figure she had told me I would have to pay him, almost doubling the price.

However, having been sacked for not being clean enough to represent my company at meetings, and it became obvious (after 5 days) that the builder was never going to finish the work, I sacked him and did the majority of the work myself. I corrected a lot of his faulty plunbing and brought in a plumber to do the work I couldn't do. I also replaced the floorboards and tiled the wall and floor in the bathroom. I then decorated all of the bedrooms in the house whilst trying to salvage my working career during the day. Despite this, on many occasions (particularly on the occasions I had only slept an hour or two) she accused me of being lazy. Eventually it completely put me off and my only mission was to get away from her.

The most violent period of late was when she arranged for her parents to come over and stay with us without first asking me. It was a done deal for them to stay in a cramped house that was full of materials (where we haven't even unpacked because there's still work to be done). In addition to becoming violent when I objected to this she also wanted to took my children out of school at a crucial time (SATS and also induction for new school) for two weeks despite my objections. On her parents arrival I began to see where she got her violence from. On the day they were due to away with the children (despite my objections) I was ill in bed, having been rushed to hospital three days earlier. That morning I was awoken by the sound of my mother-in-law, father-in-law and wife all standing over my six year olds daughter's bed shouting at her to get into the bathroom. This was 7am and their train (for which the station was only 10 minutes away) wasn't leaving until after 10am. It doesn't take more than 30 - 45 minutes to get her ready (I do it every morning when I take them to school) but these people were behaving as if they had 3 minutes, not 3 hours. Eventually I heard the sound of my father-in-law manhandling my daughter out of bed and into the bathroom. She was sobbing uncontrollably and continued sobbing even after I intervened. Three hours later she was still crying and I knew at this point that I would never respect these people again. The joke of it is that they're all teachers, including my wife!?!

So in July 2005 I started the process of buying a flat to move into on my own. At some point she found out about this and confronted me about it at the beginning of August 2005. When challenged I admitted that I was leaving and also that I would be starting divorce proceedings (I have since submitted my divorce petition to the courts). Immediately she became abusive and threatening in front of my children. She then started with the racist threats (which shocked me because she hadn't been racist towards me - I don't think - in all of the years I have known her). The gist of it was (as stated earlier) she could make-up whatever she wanted about me because the Police would believe her because I'm black. But where she really hit the gutter was when I overheard her coaching my daughter to lie to the Police about me. At this point I started using my video phone to record as much of what was going on as possible.

As the children had had such a stressful time I asked my wife for their passports so I could take them on holiday before the end of the school holidays. She refused this request. On being told this I accepted this and took them skating and to stay in a hotel overnight. I knew she would start another fight if I returned that day because she was unhappy that I wanted to take them on holiday without her even though she had done so. It's only when the passport issue came up and I realised that I pay all the bills but she has all the documents hidden (even the deeds to our property) that I realised not only was I being abused but I was also being controlled. I suppose staying away for the night was me taking back some control over mine and my children's life.

However the next day there were a number of messages on my mobile phone from the Police and when I rang them to see what was going on they implied that I was some sort of danger to my children and threatened me if I did not return them to my wife that day. Hence I brought them home reluctantly as they requested that they be allowed to stay away another night. I later found out that they had visited the apartment that I was in the process of buying (my wife having manipulated the information out of my younger brother). They had firstly implied to my future neighbours that I was a dangerous black fugitive n***er. They (it is alleged by the neighbours but denied by them) then kicked in the front door to the property but did not repair it. Totally outrageous!!!!

So I was back at the marital home for a week, in which my wife still wouldn't even let me take my kids swimming. Eventually I got fed up and grabbed the kids' passports out of my wife's bag (whilst I had my video phone rolling). For my trouble she jumped on my back, pulling at me and hitting me (cutting my lip) whilst I've got my back to her throughout the attack, with both my hands in the air holding the passports out of her reach. Eventually (despite her violent attack) I hid the passports and in response she phoned the Police stating that "my husband has taken my children's passports" or words to that effect. She also claimed to be frightened of me despite, me not even attempting to retaliate to her violent attack. The only thing I used on her was speed.

But on arriving at the marital house these two white police officers started with all the racist "shut-up and stop the aggression" nonsense, implying that I'm in some sort of trouble for accessing my children's passports (whilst I'm sitting calmly despite being in some pain). They then threatened to arrest me, but soon backed off when I told them that I recorded the whole incident and made them aware that I was still recording. Eventually (after about an hour) they left not arresting anyone, but still threatening me. I then played back the video and audio clips and was shocked by what I've captured. After making a formal written complaint about the Police (one of whom had a five minute one-way monologue about my race instigated by him and then went on to tell me that he wasn't racist because his "best friend is black") I left the property and stayed in hotels for about ten days. In the meantime my wife (who claimed to the Police that she had nowehere to go) went to stay with my parents in London, further stirring things up by involving my parents, brother, sister and cousins. I switched-off my phone for a few days because I got fed-up with all the ridiculous messages.

Although she is very manipulative, I'm very disappointed in my relatives. The Police can almost be excused for taking her side. Who's going to believe a big black man over a little Asian woman without video evidence? But your own family!?! The only person I have is my Best Man. He's there for me, which proves you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. For once I've made a good choice with my Best Man.

Sometimes I wish I had hit her just once because she wouldn’t have had all this front and would never have physically harmed me this much. But I know I’d probably be in prison now because the first strike would probably have killed her. Anyway, no more relationships for me. Or even if I do have another relationship it will be with a black non-violent woman. And she mustn’t lie or teach kids to lie.

Anyone have any views on this sad episode in my life? How common is any of this, or am I on my own?

There.......I've said my piece. Yet I see the victims of Hurricane Katrina, mostly, humbly trying to survive. I have to ask myself what have I really got to complain about? PEACE & LOVE, even to my enemies

This message was edited by PurpleOne on 9-7-05 @ 4:21 AM